Gay or not? This is the biggest factor for most. Psychotherapy is a personal relationship. Though most therapists are trained to help a wide variety of people, many patients will feel most comfortable telling their bedtime stories to someone who has played in the same kind of bed. Ask when you make that first phone call. If your therapist won’t divulge something so salient to most gay and bisexual men and women, move on!

Gay-Affirming

Many non-gay therapists will describe themselves as “gay-friendly” or “gay-sensitive,” which means they are cool accepting you into their practice. But this does not mean they are especially adept at dealing with gay issues. Rather, pick a “gay-affirming” therapist who is positive about gay-identity and doesn’t apply a heterosexual norm.

Looks

Some clients will choose their therapist based on looks—don’t act shocked—but this can be a bad move if having an attractive therapist causes you to hide your unattractive qualities, resulting in a dead-end.

Age/Gender/Ethnicity

Sometimes it’s just easier to open up with someone who is either similar or different than your own age, gender and ethnicity. Therapy is not a time for you to be “politically correct.” Figure out what you want. Own it. Ask for it.

License

This is the quickest way to tell if a therapist is legit. Master’s degree licenses are often listed as LMFT, LPCC and LCSW. Doctoral licenses don’t have the long list of letters, rather they say what they are: Psychiatrist or Psychologist. Check with the California licensing board online and find out the first year they were licensed. (That really tells you how long they have been at this.) If a therapist is still in training mode, the listing will say MFT Intern, Psychological Assistant or Psychiatrist Resident, and they’ll operate under someone else’s supervision.

Education and Training

Sadly, this is the area where I see most new therapists exaggerate and mislead—counting their experience from the first time they counseled someone in preschool, listing a Ph.D. in Chemistry or saying they are an “expert” as a means of marketing. Don’t just accept a number of years or a bunch of letters. Ask for specifics.

Medication

If you need medication, then you need to see a physician (M.D. or D.O.) or a nurse practitioner (N.P.). This person may or may not also provide psychotherapy (a psychiatrist often provides both). It’s fairly common for people who take medication to see two people—one for medication and one for therapy.

Cost and Location

Because therapy rarely works in one or two visits, pick someone close that you can afford. If you are going to use insurance, call both your insurance company and the therapist to get very clear on your coverage. Just because someone is listed as a “Blue Cross Provider” does not mean they take your Blue Cross plan. Also see someone close to your work, home or a spot you like to visit regularly.