Sexual preferences and the way we see ourselves as sexual beings can be different for all of us, but a study just published in the October 2015 issue of The Counseling Psychologist by Elder, Morrow and Books reveals that gay men have some surprising and sometimes disturbing patterns. (Caution: This was a tiny study and needs to be replicated on a bigger scale, but it starts to show that gays may be a little less open-minded than we’d like to think.) Here are some of the study’s findings.

1. “Straight-acting” is still preferred. Most gay men described feminine mannerisms to be unattractive. Call it femme-phobic, heterosexist or just a hunger for testosterone, but gays apparently like men who butch it up. Traits considered traditionally “masc” are especially desired, like a masculine style of dress and making direct eye contact, as well as mannerisms like slower, less dramatic hand-movements and holding one’s head steady and forward.

2. Porn is like home-schooling for sex. Most gay men in the study described learning the ins and outs of gay sex at home by watching porn during adolescence. Pornography not only demonstrated the ‘how-to’s of certain sexual acts but also normalized the idea of physical intimacy with another man. But porn didn’t leave the best impression on everyone. Because most of the major porn studios feature white performers, those of other ethnicities were often troubled by the lack of porn depicting men of their racial background—especially Asian Pacific Islander, Native American and Indian men.

3. Gay men keep their feelings to themselves. Overall, gay men described emotional expression as less attractive than men who clamp down on their feelings. Latino and black men were more likely to say their cultures were intolerant of emotional expression than whites. On a positive note, Native American and Pacific Islanders described greater acceptance of emotional expression than the majority. The reason some like an emotional straightjacket? Feelings are considered too feminine. (See number one.)

4. Hot guys have it best. No surprise here. Being physically attractive is supremely important in the gay male community.  It’s like money, and can not only buy you hot sexual partners and eventual relationships, but it also gives you access to better jobs, swankier parties and unique advantages that most don’t realize they have until their looks start to fade. The study found that a man’s most attractive feature was his face or facial features, like his eyes or smile. A muscular and fit body, deep voice, self-assured gait and body hair all followed suit. Most non-whites in the study described white men as the most desirable, but say they have difficulty finding white men because of the perception that white guys only date other white men.

5. Gay men do sexual charity work. Every study subject admitted to one-time sex with someone they did not find attractive. While possibly good for the recipient, it didn’t always leave the best feeling with the “volunteer.” The common reason? Most described it as “charity work” because they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by rejecting him.

This study is not definitive, but it was well-done and gives us a window into ourselves that may not always be comfortable. It was done with a Midwestern sample between 22 and 50 years old (the mean age being 34). Half the sample was white, and half were various other ethnicities.

The study does show that as progressive as we’d like to think we are, we may have a longer road to travel before we get to that “post-racial” and “post-gender” world we keep hearing about. Until then, we may need to examine some of our own attitudes while understanding that some of our preferences may not be easy to shake.