Would you trust a therapist with problems? I ponder this as I am on the precipice of my show L.A. Shrinks about to appear on Bravo. It’s of deep concern to me. This show doesn’t just seek to show therapy, it seeks to show therapists. And, being that therapists are human beings, they are therapists with human problems. But I wonder if the issue is the therapist with problems or the expectation that therapists don’t have them.
There is no doubt that when we know someone’s profession, we often look at him or her as if they should reflect that profession at all times. It is just a bit off-putting to see a physician who smokes, a chef who indulges in TV dinners or an off-duty cop who runs red lights. We tend to see people in terms of their professions and expect them to act accordingly. But is that really fair? Does breaking another person’s expectations of how a professional should act in his off-time mean that he is somehow less qualified to be in that profession?
My own profession—psychology, for instance—does expect that those who are licensed psychologists lead law-abiding lives. I can go along with that. It’s awfully difficult to have a thriving private practice from the inside of a jail cell. But the profession is also concerned about private behavior that may impact one’s professional life negatively. Drug and alcohol abuse qualify. Running a brothel would certainly be of concern. So, the truth is, that there are expectations about one’s personal life even from within the profession.
L.A. Shrinks not only depicts what goes on in the offices of three Los Angeles area experts, but also shows what goes on in their personal lives outside of the therapy room. All seems fine and good until you see that our personal lives have some real meat, and that we deal with some of the very issues our clients also struggle with.
The thing is, I—and most of us who go into this profession—had issues of my own to which I sought answers. Therapists were human beings long before they ever sought any education or training. And hopefully they remain human beings above any titles, degrees or certifications.
I am always a little amazed (and a little sickened) by those therapists who continue to take a “therapeutic stance” with relationships outside of the office. You know the ones. The therapists who always dress in comforting clothing and listen intently to someone else, pausing only to ask a probing question while not volunteering any feelings or personal struggles of their own. Maybe they punctuate the exchange with a “hmm” and expressions of deep understanding and a slight air of superiority. Whenever I talk with one of these therapists (and there are an unusual amount of them), I feel as if I am being silently judged while I answer their open-ended questions with their heads nodding up and down slowly. If I didn’t do therapy myself, I might think this person is taking a special interest in me. But I know better.
I know this therapist is unwilling to meet me as a fellow traveler in the world who laughs, cries and occasionally watches internet porn. Creepy. No, not the fact that they watch internet porn, but the fact they won’t admit to it or anything else. If you had a therapist who was blameless, how could you expect that person to relate to what you are going through?
Call me newfangled, but I want a therapist who is a joy to be around outside of the therapy office even though I will probably never meet them there. I want a therapist who will belly up to the bar and buy a round of drinks, laugh the loudest at an off-color joke and sometimes forget his or her anniversary. Hmm. Maybe that is not really what I want but who I want to be. I will have to work on that. (Except for the anniversary part, I have that one down.)
But, what I want is not really the question. Maybe the question is, can I be the type of therapist other people want? I did not become a psychologist because I had all the answers. Far from it. I became a psychologist because I had a lot of questions. Questions like, why are we here? What is love? And how do I get my partner to do everything I want while I stand by and don’t lift a finger? Needless to say, I am still working on those.
And, though I promise to give answers to things I know about, you will soon see there are things I don’t. I step in it and make mistakes. But what I can say is that I also practice what I preach, and I can tell you what has worked and what doesn’t. So will you trust a therapist with problems? I hope so, because all of them do. The only difference with me is I can assure you that I will find the answer alongside of you and not pretend I don’t know what it’s like to struggle too.