Gays can put it down—alcohol, that is. Most studies have found that 20-25% of gay men and lesbians are heavy alcohol users, compared with 3-10% of heteros. Some argue the rate is going down in younger populations but attribute the switch to less-caloric pills and powders. (Not exactly a promotion.) Nonetheless, booze is still number one in the gay community.

Denial is a bitch, and most people who have alcohol problems either don’t realize it or refuse to admit it, even to themselves. A DUI, loss of job or relationship or even liver failure can still have people pointing to everything but their bestie, firewater. Luckily, there are some brief screening tools to help you know if you need to talk about your problems with someone other than your bartender.

The most famous screener of all is the CAGE questionnaire. It’s a four-question quiz where you only need to answer “yes” to two questions to pass! Well, here, passing is really failing, as it means you may have a drinking problem. Reflect on your lifetime of drinking and answer away:

C: Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?

A: Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?

G: Have you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?

E: Eye opener—have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

Did you answer yes to at least two? If so, you probably need to talk with an expert. If you answered “yes” to only one of the questions, let’s just hope it wasn’t E (the eye opener). A “yes” to the Eye Opener question means probable alcohol dependence, as you’re probably going through morning withdrawal, thus the need for a wake-up drink.

And if you can’t make it through four questions without needing a refill, fear not. A Boston Medical Center study appearing in the 2009 Journal of General Internal Medicine found that another question accurately identifies unhealthy alcohol use. For men: “How many times in the past year have you had five or more drinks in a day?“ For women: “How many times in the past year have you had four or more drinks in a day?“

There is no specific cut-off, but frankly, if you are doing this one or more times per week, we need to talk. Five drinks isn’t that difficult to do in a 24-hour period. How many times have you found yourself finishing a bottle of wine, a six-pack of beer, a half-pint of hard liquor or one 10-ounce martini at The Abbey?

Is that you? It’s a lot of us. I, for one, have enjoyed my share of Abbey martinis, and I am quite partial to good tequila. Luckily, even if we do answer “yes” to these screens, that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re a boozer, a user or a loser. Still, we don’t want to slip into denial mode either. If this is you, think twice about how much you are putting down.

I could scare any gay man by disclosing all the calories in alcohol: 100-150 for a bottle of beer, 125 for a glass of wine and 100 for a shot. OK, there I said it. For the record, a six-pack of beer is between 600-900 calories, a bottle of wine is 600-625 calories and a half-pint of hard liquor is around 500.

I don’t know the caloric count of an Abbey 10-ounce martini, but I do know the average martini is 2.25 ounces, which is about 125-150 calories. The “Big Gulp” of martinis at The Abbey has over four times that amount, which brings the count to 500-600 calories! This is the first time I’ve done that estimate, and let’s just say it’s also the first time I hoped The Abbey watered down their martinis.

Calorie counts aside, it’s not bad to go out and have fun drinking with your buddies now and then, but if you find it becoming a pattern and you answer in the affirmative to the screens above, maybe it’s time to talk to a pro.