Back when I was in graduate school, learning about Rorschach ink blots, we were told that people who saw a high number of mirror images in the cards were indications of narcissism, and that mirror image responses were all too common with those of the “homosexual variety.” I was immediately insulted and made my protest known, but now methinks I protested too much.
Fast forward to today, where one can’t stumble through a gay bar without hitting a narcissist (or 12). It seems like some gays have cornered the market in the fundamentals of narcissism—extreme self-centeredness, a grandiose view of oneself, the need to be admired and an annoying sense of entitlement.
These individuals are likely to tell you of their special skills and unique purpose. For those of you unlucky enough to have dated one, you know they can be like a box of those Valentine’s Day sugar candies—pretty to look at, with some cute sayings, but ultimately unsatisfying and sure to give you a stomach ache in the end.
But how do you figure out which boy is an empty narcissist and which one has some substance underneath? Don’t ask them! They’ll just talk your ear off about fancy jobs they don’t really occupy, celebrities they don’t genuinely know and admirers they don’t actually have. You’ll end up believing they shine as bright as the sun, and you’re just lucky to be orbiting. But know that if you get too close, you’re going to get burned.
The way to tell if someone is a narcissist may be to look in his mirror, and the favorite mirror of the modern narcissist is the human reflecting pool of social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter—they provide the frame to all those bathroom mirror selfies, and they can also help you spot Mr. Bad Idea.
In a new study published in the latest issue of Personality and Individual Differences, researchers from Ohio State surveyed 1,000 men 18-40 years old, both straight and gay, across the nation, about their social media use and their personalities. It seems that narcissists spend more time than most on social networking sites, but the real reveal was in their—you guessed it—selfies.
Posting numerous selfies was related to narcissism and that other bugaboo of the gay world, psychopathy. Not quite the Dahmer type of psychopath (that’d be a sociopath), but more like that rentboy you’ve been eyeing.
You know the psychopath by his famous lack of empathy and fun-loving inability to control his impulses, but you may not catch on immediately because he can be a master of adaptation. He may appear to be the perfect man, because he can fit in as easily at the circuit party as he can at your grandmother’s funeral.
It’s all about him, and his blood will run cold if you cross him. And as much as the narcissist needs admirers, a psychopath needs pushovers (cough cough sugar daddies cough cough).
So, if you see a lot of solo self-portraits on a guy’s Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, chances are you’re dealing with one of these two special types of gentleman. How can you tell the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath? Frankly, it’s tough, even in real life. There tends to be a lot of overlap, and they can coexist.
Look closely at the pics. Not surprisingly, narcissists make an extra effort to look their best in photos. Psychopaths just put up a lot of pics—in fact, they post the most selfies overall, most likely due to their fabulous lack of impulse control. (That’s what makes them such great one-night stands.)
The study also unveiled a third group that’s not as obvious. They are the men who view their bodies as objects. Though they are frequent Facebook users, like narcissists, they tend to post fewer selfies—but like narcissists, the ones they do post make them and their bodies look amazing!
This self-objectification group is associated with low self-esteem. These men may not be as harmful to you, but they may be just as self-focused and disconnected.
Chances are that if you’re reading this and feel offended because you like to post well-crafted and flattering body shots, you’re probably in the low self-esteem group. If you’re in the other two groups, you probably don’t care in the first place.
Now, before you go accusing your frenemies of a diagnosis they may or may not have, know this is based on statistical analysis. Not everyone who displays lots of selfies is going to be a narcissist or a psychopath, though they are more likely to be.
Your best bet? Find a guy who doesn’t have a social media presence at all. He probably isn’t so self-involved, and he may make real husband material. But let’s face it—who’s going to believe you’re seeing someone until he posts on Instagram a hot selfie of the two of you at a pool party?