In my previous column I helped you navigate some of the trickiest conflict situations in relationships. Now hold on to your socks, because I’m going to show you some handy-dandy things that can perk up any relationship—even when your partner is just as ‘over it’ as you are. After a little while, the infatuation fades and cracks start to appear. No, not the cracks in his face—actual problems in the relationship you either never noticed or you did notice, but they were just beginning to bug you. Those little annoyances can turn into arguments, but fear not—conflict isn’t a bad thing in relationships. Au contraire, conflict can help a couple work out difficulties and come back to better understand each other, which actually strengthens the bond.

Let’s face it—every relationship needs a jumpstart once in a while. But there are five things you can do to get those motors running again, and they don’t even include sex. But a word of caution: they may lead to it. Forget about fixing every problem or making things dramatically different with your partner. As we’ve discussed before, 69% of conflicts are irresolvable, and your partner ain’t gonna change unless he damn well wants to. So if you want to get your balls rolling, you’ll need to take this relationship bull by the horns.

Now, these techniques did not just come out of my own little brain. They’re based on sound research by the preeminent relationship researchers out of the University of Washington, John and Julie Gottman. (I know, they’re a straight couple, but they really do know their shit.)

1. Pick His BrainRemember how nice it feels when someone finds you fascinating? Well, your partner likes it, too. You may think you know your partner, but the truth is he’s an endless well of fascinating information.

Suggestion: Ask your partner his dreams for now and the future? If you already know… get more details. If you don’t know his dreams, shame on you. This is the man you love. The best way you can love him back is to help him become the man he dreams about.

2. Give Him PropsYou’re probably already in the habit of catching your partner’s mistakes. Reverse that trend. Start scanning the environment for what your partner is doing right. Build a culture of appreciation, fondness, affection and respect.

Suggestion: Call out something your partner does particularly well. Cooking? Decorating? Bringing home the bacon? Pay attention to what your partner is doing well and call it out. And if you can’t get your mouth to operate in compliment mode, then write a heartfelt note. Do it so much that you get a writer’s cramp.

3. Make DepositsNo, not there (like I said, that’s later). These are “emotional bank account” deposits. In the first article of theis series I pointed out that happy couples have five positive interactions for every negative interaction. The key is to build a big, fat bank account of good stuff so that when the inevitable negatives happen, you have a lot of good to draw on.

Suggestion: Try the “Yes, and…” approach. (I stole this from improv comedy, but it’s not for laughs—it builds relationships.) When your partner is talking about some matter, listen for a point of agreement and add to it, even if you hold a different point of view. If you really get stumped, just say, “That’s a good point.” Works every time.

4. Realize His DreamsI’m always surprised when couples who have been together for long periods of time sometimes do not know what the other wants in life or needs in a relationship. They can often give surface details like job goals, generally human desires and favorite foods. But when a partner knows what really drives the other, either in career, relationship or just in life, he or she can take steps to make those dreams come true. By doing so, you offer the purest gift of love.

Suggestion: Go back to that dream discussion you had with your partner and find one thing to focus on. If it’s going to see Lady Gaga recreate her Academy Awards triumph, start planning the trip. If it’s to get an Academy Award, urge him to enroll in acting class. Be both the catalyst and the support, even if it goes against your grain. He will love you for it.

5. Bond Over Good TimesAs a couple moves through time together, it is important that you have ways to encapsulate your lives in the stories you tell one another, the pictures you share, your beliefs, experiences and legacy.

Suggestion: Find an old photograph from a happy time of the two of you together and show it to your partner. Reminisce about the good times. If you are camera shy, go to a restaurant, nightclub or cruising spot the two of you used to share. Relive some memories.

Try each one of these things with your partner, but don’t just do them once. These are meant to be ongoing, and they will help you build a solid foundation to your relationship, whether it’s strong or could use some shoring up. If you ever forget what to do, number 2 is the big one to remember.

Gays may be good at bitchy comments, but to keep a relationship, you’ll need to be better at bitchin’ compliments. (OK, I tried my best to make that work.) According to a study of 5,000 couples by Open University in the UK, showing appreciation emerged as one of the most important factors in keeping a relationship healthy. That should never take longer than a few seconds, and it will help your relationship last a lifetime.