It seems the first quarter of 2015 was one big breakup fest. I’ve been seeing several clients and know several friends who just had a breakup, were in the middle of a breakup or are considering a breakup. Is our gay world just not safe for relationships anymore?
When are the most common times to be dumped? A couple of British brainiacs, David McCandless and Lee Byron, did a study on just that by looking at Facebook status updates, and the duo published their findings in a book very unsexily called The Visual Miscellaneum (say that five times fast).
Here’s the bad news: Right now we are in peak season. The good news: It will be over soon.
For your convenience, here are six popular times when couples break up. This should be especially helpful to the anxiety-prone and chronically insecure who like to be especially vigilant to every slight and failed connection. Here they are in my own haphazard order:
1. The Pre-Spring Fling
The first few weeks of March are the worst (or should I say best?) time for breaking up a relationship. This is the biggie—the most common time to visit Splitsville. Most guys don’t want to be jerks, so they play nice on Valentine’s Day and then drop the ax shortly thereafter. Sometimes the pressure built up during a couple’s Feb. 14 signals a need to escape. If you look at the stats, there’s a steady climb in breakup status updates from Valentine’s until the first day of spring, when there’s a sudden drop in breakups until…
2. April ‘You’re The Fool’ Day
I don’t make this stuff up. I can only hope that these are prank status updates (it would be the day for it), but April 1 seems to signal a significant blip in relationship pink slips. If you were lucky enough to make it through March without incidence but you’re relationship is on shaky ground, duck and cover.
3. This Is Why I Don’t Like Mondays
After April Fools day, things coast at a moderate level, but like heart attacks and job layoffs, relationship splits happen more on Mondays. Again, I go with the pressure theory. The pressure of a new week strains frail relationships, and if someone wants that pressure to end, they break it off. Also, men like to distract themselves with work. Knowing he has a week of work ahead and then a free weekend to look forward to will help the breaker get through. Of course, it devastates the breakee, but that’s another story. Other bad times are just before major events or out-of-town getaways, when it’s most likely the breaker wants to get his slut on.
4. Summer No-Lovin’
The end of June through mid-July is the next “hot spot.” Shirts are coming off, abs are getting shredded and eyes start wandering to something that might appear better (though you and I know he’s seeing a relationship mirage). Temptation is hard to resist.
Unfortunately, some unlucky souls will find themselves going home alone from pool parties. Now, some good news: If your relationship lasted through July, your chance of a breakup stays relatively low for most of August and September. Enjoy the relative calm during this time.
5. The Pre-Christmas Sail Away
Though the pressures of the holiday season show a steady climb in breakups throughout November, the peak comes just after the Thanksgiving feast and continues for the first two weeks of the Christmas season. The single lowest day for breakups is Christmas Day. It seems that if your relationship made it through the shopping season, you’re home free, so bask in it.
6. Valentine’s Day Massacre
It seems like we’re back where we started. Unfortunately, Feb. 14—a day when love is supposed to be celebrated—puts pressure on frail relationships. Sometimes the pressure of a relationship simply becomes too strong, and when guys don’t have release, the whole thing blows. Since we have nearly a year before the next Valentine’s Day, plan on taking the pressure off your partner. Ask for nothing, appreciate everything and make a special night of something he likes. Things might actually go well … for a couple of weeks, anyway.