Everybody has the potential to be a drama queen during the holidays. Emotions run high, and the added stress makes everything worse. We are all running around with our panties in a wad while trying to buy that last-minute gift, decorate our Christmas trees and manage the onslaught of marginal friends and distant relatives.
According to a telephone survey of 768 adults done by Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research in 2006, 68 percent of people reported fatigue, 61 percent reported stress and 52 percent reported irritability during the holidays. This leads us to make some big boo-boos during holiday gatherings that can have a higher cost than the interest on our credit cards. Here are six of those mistakes and what to do about them.
1. Coming out at the holiday dinner table. Every year I hear of people doing this, and it is not just about sexual orientation either. It also can be about marriage, adoption, sobriety or HIV-status. When you do this you suddenly shift a dinner that is about everyone together and make it all about you.
Solution: Find another time to tell people. Important news is often best handled one-on-one or in small groups. If you must tell people when you are home for the holidays, I recommend making the day before the holiday, the holiday itself and the day after the holiday to be off-limits. Make those days about togetherness. Either come home early to share the news or stay another couple of days and tell them then. That way people have the breathing room to be able to absorb your news and show support.
2. Going home without your partner because your parents disapprove. Going without your partner would be like you agreeing with everyone concerned that your relationship is inferior or an abomination.
Solution: Your parents probably don’t like to be told what to do, so give them a choice. Either you come home with your husband/wife/partner or you don’t come home at all. The two of you are a package deal. And if they make you sleep in separate bedrooms, tell them they will have to do the same when they come to visit you. It’s only fair.
3. Eating too much. Most people gain one to two pounds during the holidays. That may not sound like much to you, but that’s like 10 pounds in gay weight. And most never lose it, so after a few years it really adds up!
Solution: Just like going to the grocery store, it is best not to arrive hungry or you will make bad decisions. Eat some protein 30-minutes before—it takes that long to feel full, and protein takes longer to digest, so you will eat less. Also, beware of the infamous “food pushers.” When people try to push hors d’oeuvres or extra helpings on us, we tend to eat them out of politeness. But if you say “no,” that should be that. If they continually push, they are being “food pushers.” The best way to handle a food pusher is to be firm but polite. Put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eye and say, “Thank you, but no.” Repeat as necessary.
4. Drinking too much. Obligatory parties, awkward silences and mounting stress (or mounting other things) can all lead one to take extra sips of the holiday punch. Not only will drinking cause you to say and do things you will later regret, the ride home could be treacherous. Mothers Against Drunk Driving estimate that drunk driving accounts for 52 percent of traffic deaths during the holiday season.
Solution: Feel free to imbibe, but slow yourself down by alternating between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. You will cut your consumption in half. And, do everyone a favor and take a cab or car service to the party (and back) so you aren’t tempted to drive (and swerve) home.
5. Texting, Grinding, Emailing. Ugh! Do I really have to say why this is tacky during a gathering at any time of the year? But at the holidays it is a special insult. It basically says to the people you are with that what is on the telephone is more important than they are.
Solution: If you must do it, include the other people. “I have to answer this text from my boyfriend. Do you mind?” or “Look at this hot guy I’ve been chatting with.” If you cannot share it because you really don’t want to show the hot guy’s dick pic to your mother and her bible study group, then take it to the place where we typically engage in behavior that others don’t want to see—the bathroom.
6. Planning the perfect dinner/party. We gays are good at making things perfect, and in doing so make those close to us and ourselves perfectly miserable. Personally, I think the only things that are meant to be perfect at the holidays are Martha Stewart’s house and the baby Jesus, so the rest of us can just relax.
Solution: Rather than focusing on impressing others, focus on making them feel comfortable. A loving embrace, quick chat and a holiday cocktail will make a bigger impression than a 27-foot pine adorned in Tiffany ornaments alongside a choir of imported orphans from some needy E astern Bloc country. Sure, more people may talk about the orphans with perfect pitch the next day, but more will fondly remember the welcome feeling the entire next year.
Do as the ‘80s group Frankie Goes to Hollywood recommends and “relax“ this season. Remember, you get to do it all again next year, so why not just focus on family, friendship and fun this year? You’ll be glad you did.